The Invisible Fight

by Skyler, @chronically.challenged 

Spinning, swaying, blood draining from my head

This is the feeling that I absolutely fret and dread

This chronic pain has become too much that I can take

Why cannot my body give me a much needed break?

Heart pounding as hard as a punk band’s drum

My hands and feet turn cold, blue, and painfully numb

Dizzy, weak, and feel like I need to try to sleep

But, instead, I lay in my cocoon bed and silently weep

Sometimes I feel like I cause so much strife

As this illness takes over my entire adult life

What have I done to deserve this never ending pain?

I think I have no reason to try and nothing left to gain

Slurring speech and a deeply frozen mind

My independence is now gone, I’ve come to find

Why has my life been taken from me?

All I want is to be healthy, content, and free

Is that really too much that I’m asking for?

 I’m sick of fainting on the cold, hard floor            

Isolated and fearful is how I often feel

Why cannot my broken body just try and begin to heal?

Being a burden has pierced the membrane of my mind

Is there anything left of the old me that I can still find?

I feel as if my brain with rupture or perhaps explode

“I’m sorry, but I cannot help you” I have too often been told

Sometimes I feel like I have to hide and lie

As I slowly feel like I am dying on the inside

My body is in agony and no one can tell me why

Read more:  Living with POTS Part 5: Accepting My New Life

As I realize this is my new life, I begin to breakdown and cry

I am in the process of losing my once good health

It feels as if my body is literally attacking itself

Why cannot I be normal and go out with my friends?

My social life has come to an abrupt and sudden end

Remember, what you see isn’t always what it seems

This illness has completely crushed and ripped up my dreams

Black spots fill my vision as I try to get up and stand

I really need someone to lend me their outstretched hand

I have dealt with this syndrome for far, far too long

However, I don’t feel that courageous or even close to strong

I cannot read and I often cannot even try and think

It’s as if my health was gone in a single, quick blink

My symptoms have often given me quite a big scare

I feel as if all of this is unreal and totally unfair

Sometimes I feel that I’m only going downhill from here

I try and smile and not show any distress or fear

I wish I could live and have my life as it were

Dysautonomia needs awareness and a much needed cure

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